I Wanna Be Edward Cullen
by affarie ava mai
Summary: I'm sure we all want to know what to know what Jacob gets up to in his spare time...well the Cullen's decide to find out. A series of one-shots guaranteed to have you laughing. Not for Jacob fans...sorry. please Review, it'll make my day!


**I Wanna Be Edward Cullen.**

_summary;_

I'm sure we all want to know what Jacob gets up to in his spare time... well the Cullen's decide to find out. A series of one-shots gauranteed to have you laughing your ass off! Rosalie- "who knew Jacob Black was a good singer" ... not for jacob fans. sorry.

_Authors note; _

all songs featured belong to their respective owners. they do NOT belong to me, no copyright intended. for the full effect listen to the songs whilst reading.

song no 1. Edward Cullen (Heartless Parody) by Ft. D-Mayne.

song no 2. Hey Isabella (Hey There Delilah\Twilight Parody by ImReallyWhiteYo

**Bella pov; **

"i am sooooooo bored" i said, slouching against the window sill of Jacobs house. "why are we here again?" i whined. "shut up human" Rosalie snared "you'll blow our cover" before she turned in my direction and glaring at me. wow, she has pretty eyes...

"dont' insult my girlfriend Rose, even if she doesn't understand when you do" edward told her. i smiled. he was being nice to me again!

several minutes passed... "hey wait was that...an insult?" i asked her in shock, using the puppy eyes that Alice had taught me to do. she raised an eyebrow at me and replied "don't even try usiing those eyes with me, it just looks like your constipated" she said with a smirk.

"ya well... AT LEAST I CAN GET PREGNANT!" i screamed. she gassped in horror before going to reply but being shushed by alice who said "its starting" she turned back to look through the window but first hissed at me "below the belt Isabella"

i smirked, never said i was gonna play fair.

Jacob entered the room followed by quil and embry who i recognized from the way they barged into the room without permission.

"okay guys" jacob said "set the instruments over there and i'll begin by singing" Alice and Edward snickered while Emmett, Jasper and I looked at eachother in confusion. Jacob was...in a band?

Jake cleared his throat before the music started playing and he joiined in with the first chorus.

_In Twilight, this guy I know_

_The palest skin you ever saw._

_All the girls still want him though_

_And now you know, I wanna be like Edward Cullen_

_I wanna be Edward Cullen_

_Wish I could be Edward Cullen_

all four of us -Rosalie, Jazz, Em and I- gasped while Edward and Ali started to shake from the laughter they were trying to keep quite. it took only a second for the rest of us to join in.

_Wish I could be Cul-len_

_Wish that I could get all the girls, yo_

_Didn't have to breathe, didn't have to eat food_

_And of course I want to read everybodys thoughts_

_I wanna sparkle in the light, and drive a Volvo_

_And honestly I wanna play the Piano_

_Although it would suck to never turn 18_

_Cause I know pedophiles will try to rape me_

Edward nodded his head sadly, agreeing with the fact before shuffling away from the direction of Carlisle.

_I wanna say that Dracula is my homie_

_Be a Vegetarian even though I eat meat_

_Wanna say that Carlisle is my daddy_

_That's such an awesome name, they'll all be jealous of me_

Carlisle laughed out loud and esme snickered before they looked at edward who looked happy for some strange reason. we looked at him weirdly. "what I have my own song! you guys only wish you were me" he said before posing as if for a picture. i sighed. he was so hot...

_In Twilight, this guy I know_

_The palest skin you ever saw_

_All the girls still want him though_

_And now you know, I wanna be like Edward Cullen_

_I wanna be Edward Cullen_

_Wish I could be Edward Cullen_

_Wish I could be in, Dr. Cullen's_

_Family and the Olympic Coven_

_Then Edward can, be my brethren_

_And he can tell me how to be more like him_

_Jasper and Emmett are so cool also_

_And Alice is like Katy Perry Hot N' Cold_

_Don't wanna be near Rosalie, though_

_Cause I have a thing about being around a-holes_

Rosalie gasped before frowning as the rest of us giggled at her expense as she glared at us -or rather me- Alice looked pleased that even werewolves were into her and Emmett and Jasper fist bumbed. i was sad, i didn't get mentioned.

_I'd run and tell Edward to leave Bella, please_

_It's obvious she would much rather be with me_

_And if he says no, then I'll have to agree_

_Cause honestly, he could beat the crap outta me_

i clapped my hands. i was mentioned more than rosalie, even if it was in a creepy stalker-ish way. edward nodded his head, agreeing with the fact that he would beat the crap out of him. or maybe it was agreeing to the fact that he would leave me... oh well, i'd find out later.

_In Twilight, this guy I know_

_The palest skin you ever saw_

_All the girls still want him though_

_And now you know, I wanna be like Edward Cullen_

_I wanna be Edward Cullen_

_Wish I could be Edward Cullen_

_Walkin, walkin, walkins dumb_

_Wish I could do the Edward run_

_Then I would be real quick too_

_And I could get home in time for Scooby Doo_

Alice laughed at his childishness before i heard rosalie mumble "i love that program"

_If I was Edward, I would be_

_1,000,000 times hotter then he could ever be_

_And James would be afraid of me_

_I would live happily_

_If I could read peoples thoughts_

_I wanna have Edward Cullens life_

_I wanna graduate a thousand times_

"it isin't all it's cut out to be" Jasper mumbled, while Emmett laughed quietly.

_just like In Twilight, this guy I know_

_The palest skin you ever saw_

_All the girls still want him though_

_And now you know, I wanna be like Edward Cullen_

_I wanna be Edward Cullen_

_Wish I could be Edward Cullen_

"who knew Jacob Black was a good singer" Rosalie comented, getting strange looks from me. did Rosalie just...compliment Jake? what was wrong with this world?

_Cullen, Cullen, Cullen, Cullen, Cullen. _

_oh, Cullen, Cullen, Cullen._

_oh, Cull, oh Cull, oh, Cullen, Oh Cullen_

_oh, Cullen, Oh Cullen, Oh Cullen, Oh Cullen_

_oh, Cullen, Oh Cullen, oh..._

i woke up screaming. Alice rushed in just as Edward was trying to comfort me by making out, or maybe that was to comfort him... i didn't care, i was all for it.

"Eddie, stop molesting my sister! we have places to be and things to do and i don't mean Bella being one of those things. come on hurry!" she shouted before gracefully skipping out off the room. i wish i could do that...

grumbling, Edward helped me up without tripping but the moment he left me go, i did a face plant in the wood. he sighed before talking hold of my hand and carrying my body down to the living room. once in the living room, i sat on his ap as Alice pranced around ticking off stuff from a list.

"Camcorder; check. flashlight; check. new prada shoes; check. now all i need is the family!" she exclaimed before pushing us out of the house and rushing off in vampire speed with Jasper and the rest of the family following.

i waited for a few minutes pacing back and forwards before a sheepish Edward returned along with the family "sorry" he said in reply to my glare before knocking my feet out from underneath me so that he could sweep me up over his shoulder as he ran. i tried to not vomit all over him.

"so where are we going" i asked -more like shouted over the wind- as we ran "dunno" he replied "following Alice, her minds blocked" i nodded my head before realising he couldn't see it so instead i shouted "okay"

we continued to run for about three minutes before Edward came to an abrupt halt. "stop Alice!" he ordered "this is wolf territory" the others grinded to a halt beside us as Esme came to brush my hair out with a comb that misteriously appeared. i think it would work better if i wasn't upsaid down.

"oh i know" alice replied " but there not here, well everyone besides Jacob Black" she chuckled darkly before continuing. "we're going to pay our dear friend Jacob Black a visit. only to see how he's doing since his werewof friends are busy...with dates...to the quilete annual ball...with no chance from escaping there dates, who will literally murder them if they try. looks like Jacob had only one person in mind he wanted to date" she said while everyone turned to stare at me, it helped that i was now standing on my own two feet so they could clearly see the look of confusion cross my face. why were they staring?

"she'll get it in a minute..." Edward sighed.

several minutes later... "oh you mean me! well i had no idea" i defended. the cullens who looked as if they were moments from falling asleep -even though they technically couldn't sleep- jumped in surprise before grabbing me and continuing on passed the border to Jake's house.

we ran up to the window sill -just like in my dream!- and watched as Jake entered with guitar. he can play the guitar?

"now watch closely Bella" Alice said as if talking to an infant. I was not an infant!

we turned to look as Jacob gazed fondly at a wall coverd in pictures of me and him, and in some case pictures of me and edward as we entered the school parking lot only with edward's face covered with a picture of jake's face. he even had pictures of me while i slept! how cute was he! now that's true friendship!

"well" Alice asked "are you freaked out yet?" "why would i be" i replied "he likes to take pictures of the school parking lot, whats weird about that?" they all sighed at me while Rosalie smirked at me.

"i don't know what your smirkiing at" i said "but whatever its about, i'm better at it!" she closed her eyes in frustration before looking on in disgust and replying "its nothing that you have to worry your little head about" she sneered "oh ya? well at least i can get pregnant!" i replied before Alice shushed us and we all turned to the window as Rosalie glaredat me. wow again i say she has pretty eyes...

Jacob sat down on a chair looking on at the wall of pictures before starting to sing. wow i didn't know he sung...

_Hey Isabella, whats it like in Forks City_

_I know the rain must a pain, but hey, at least you have company_

_Yes you do, you know Edwards in love with you, and I am too_

_Thats right Bella, Im fascinated by your image_

_And Im as jealous as Mike, that you chose to be with that guy Cullen, oh bell why?_

_Hes not even that nice of a guy, ok, thats a lie_

i gasped in shock as everyone turned to stare at me as Edward growled. i thought it was sweet, he though Edward was nice!

_Oh, Bella should be with me _

_oh, Bella should be with me_

_oh, Bella should be with me_

_oh,Bella should be with me_

_Bell please be with me_

_Hey Isabella, I know you have a real loud car_

_Im not a good mechanic, but I can tell you where some goods ones are, theyll have it fixed_

_I know Edward wants a piece of this, he can bring it then_

_Hey Isabella, I can so take care of James_

_I understand you dont want him around, theres some calls I can make, theyll handle it_

_And then youll be so gracious, cause Im a pimp_

aww he'd have helped with James! that is so brotherly\nice.

_Oh, Edward is scared of me _

_oh, Edward is scared of me_

_Oh, Bella should be with me_

_Cause I, am also quite charming_

Edward growled as he mumered "i am so totally not fraid of that dog!" Emmett and Jasper laughed and fist bumped while Alice giggled and Rosalie glared. hey i was seeing a pattern here, OMG MAYBE I'M PHYSIC!

_Arizona seems pretty far, to travel in a silver car_

_I know the Volvo cant make it all the way_

_I know that he knows how to fly, but I know how to fly a kite_

_And thats a greater accomplishment, I think_

_Hey Bella, I can promise you, that by the time they release New Moon_

_Youll know that Vampires are not as great, as they all say_

the cullens all gasped and started glaring at the back of his head "vampires rule dude, don't listen to him Bella" Emmett snarled "he lies! he's just like that commercial guy that said those slippers were real bear fur! what is wrong with thgis world!" he exclaimed before crying into Rose's shouder as she patted his shouder with a grim look on her face.

_Hey There Bella, make sure you stay out of the trees_

_You might fall and break you arm or something, cause Forks is really windy, I love you_

_I dont want anything to happen to you, unless you pick that other dude_

_Hey Isabella, if you do; then I guess were through_

_Oh, you know you should agree_

_That Edward is too condescending_

_Oh, Bella, you + me_

_= Total Chemistry_

_Bell please be with me_

once the song was finished Billy came into the room and said "don't worry Jacob son, Bella will see the light and come back to you, your way better than that leach." "but dad" he replied "what if she doesn't think i'm cool?" he whimpered "i think your cool!" billy excaimed before Jake skipped out of the room holding ontohis weelchair, while skipping.

"well Bella" Aice asked as the family starred at me "do you think that Jake only has a crush on you know?" i looked at her before a smile streched across my face.

"I HAVE MY OWN SONG!..."

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_i love twilight and the cullens and i don't relaly mind jacob or the wolves so no flames because i didn't mean to offend anyone. please review if you liked or even if you didn't like! lol. i'll update more soon. also please check out the new story i am betaing for 'Sparkly Tutu As My Fairy' its called 'Fading Crimson' and is a jasper\Bella story rated M, and so far is really good! please review for both stories! (Fading Crimson is on my favorite stories list) again i don't own the songs or twilight._

_xoxo_

_Ella-Ava_


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